Advaita Notebook  

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Cycles of Seeking


It appears that the seeker

Needs answers and knowledge

 But the only thing the seeker is up against

Is seeking


As soon as you seek

There seems to be something missing

Before seeking

All is well

All is happening without question


Seeking itself is the feeling

Of dissatisfaction

Of something not complete

What can be done

About this silly seeking?

Says the seeker

Creating more seeking

“Let me seek how not to seek”


Dinner is served

And seeking stops

After coffee seeking returns with seeker

Both come and go together


It looks like

Seeking itself is the problem

Destroying peace

Replacing it with dissatisfaction

And creating a search for

The peace it dislodged

But it's more true to say

When seeking occurs

Seeking is present

And nothing is missing


Seeking is seeking

And as valid as anything else

The feeling that something is missing

Is a complete feeling


Something is happening by itself

In the total mystery

And it may as well be seeking

Especially if it is


But what this seeking is can’t be known

By anything at all

Let alone a seeker


The seeker appears to be an entity

Capable of knowing

But the seeker is as big a mystery

As the source


Something that doesn’t know what it is

Looking for something unknown

Doesn’t seem promising


Yet still this tiny notion

Of an idea of a me

Will try to get a glimpse

Of the impossible


It’s trying now

Using language and thought and logic

It’s trying to understand

To seek and find its source


And this process like any other

Is the total mystery at work

Unknown seeking unknown

Which adds up to

Doubly unknown


And so it’s not that the next attempt to seek

Is to be let go of

It’s that the next attempt to seek

Is already the unknown

Doing that which is unknown


The unknowable unknown

Masquerading as the unknown appearance

Is the illusion

Is lila

The play of life

And how to work out

What the illusion is

Or how to see through the illusion

When you are the illusion

Gives an idea of what the seeker

Is up against


This is the greatest trick of all time

Yet no one is tricked

The source is at play

Creating a strange version of itself

Apparently limited

Yet entirely infinite


This is no worry of yours

As all is out of your hands

From the beginning

There is absolutely nothing you can do

Even about stopping yourself

From trying to do something

Trying to understand

Trying to be free


You are under the spell of consciousness

You are consciousness casting the spell

On yourself


You exist as the all

Pretending to be a tiny you

That is still the

All that is

All at once



Nothing is right

Because nothing is wrong

Nothing is perfect

Because nothing is imperfect


All is as is






Yet also known

And mentioned

And judged into existence

With vast descriptions

And knowings

Bringing wonderful good

And terrible wrong

And absolute perfection

Amongst shocking chaos


This appearance appears and is known

Is believed and questioned

Is doubted and challenged

And dismantled

Within wave upon wave of seeking


Seeking truth

Creates the illusion in truth

As a dream to dissolve and reappear

In the only reality

Of this that is

Before description

Before knowing

Before seeking


Yet the illusion of knowing and 

The search progressing

Is not separate from the pristine source

That remains steady

Throughout any disguise


Who will you ask?

How will you know?


In oneness

Authority hides from itself

Nothing asks

Nothing answers

Nothing knows


You are freedom itself

With nothing to do

Nowhere to go

The appearance arises and subsides

Shimmering from one image

Into another

For your pleasure and wonder

And involvement

As the imaginary seeker

Seeking itself

As source


And who am I to say all this?

You ask

Quite rightly

I don't know

You might try and work out

How these pixel symbols arise

And where they are being decoded

Into meanings

Right now

But you won’t get far

Before it dissolves into the unknown

And another search

Leads to nothingness



Wave after wave of seeking

Of source seeking itself

As you

As me

As lila

And if you were to know the answer

You wouldn’t play any more

Would you?

Is that what you really want?


You believe the answer would save you

Yet an answer is only useful in your story

Where the question resides

That in which your story appears

Needs no answers

And cannot be questioned

So let me recap and sum up

What was it again?

Who am I?

How can I word it?

I knew a moment ago

Let me remember now


The seeking is off again

Though I decided it was useless

And unnecessary


What runs this show?

I must seek to know

Give me one more try


"When I seek

I separate from that which I seek

Making it unavailable"


That sounds like it!

Is that it?

Is that it?

Of course not

Bring on those waves

Wave after wave of seeking

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