Advaita Notebook  

Home Seeking This Knowledge Lila The Me Now Freedom New ! Book Contact Links

    
Searching is it







 
  Searching is it


I’m trying to get hold of

Something to boost my search

This month

But the seeking has eased

 

Not replaced by bliss

But by missing the search

And fear that the trivial

Was worthy all along

 

I didn’t ask for that

 

The lack of insight

Or promise

Leaves an emptiness

Vulnerable to the world

And it’s distractions

 

Waiting it out

Invites despair

 

I’d rather have a stab at something

Even something prompted

By this predicament

 

The problem is

If this is it

If truth exists at all

If consciousness is all there is

Then there’s nothing

More true or more here

Than this mess

 

I want to have the truth

To think about

But even that want with its thoughts

Is truth unfolding

Before I can get it

 

Truth slips away into

Disappointment

Which is it's

Other disguise

 

It’s here

It never leaves me

Yet I can’t have it

 

Whatever I think it is

It isn’t

 

Yet neti neti

Eventually obliterates itself


Not this not this

Culminates in

Not not this

 

In other words it’s

Never not this

 

It is this

Not some other idea

About this

 

I never have to go elsewhere

I don’t need to go looking

Or seeking

I never have to mistrust what is

And ask

What is it?

Because it’s always

This

 

Even when I’m doubly frustrated

And searching for the search

That searching is it

Like now

Being unsatisfied

That’s it!

Doubting

That’s it!

 

It’s not that I have

Wasted my life searching

It’s that I am

Wasting my life searching

And yes that’s totally it

Too

That's living

Now

Wasting my life

That's it!

Not a problem

 

It’s here

Alive and well

In all it's forms


Thank you


Thank you!







Home Seeking This Knowledge Lila The Me Now Freedom New ! Book Contact Links